


[Hiatus] Fanboy

by NeverBeenAWriter, ProblematicProcrastinator



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: 2015 Era (Phandom), Additional Warnings Apply, Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Anxiety, Awkward Conversations, Baker!Phil, Baking, Coming Out, Convention, Depression, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fanboy, Holidays, Homophobia, Homophobic Language, M/M, POV Dan Howell, Sexual Refrences, Texting, Underage Drinking
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-05-04
Updated: 2019-08-17
Packaged: 2020-02-18 15:40:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 9,588
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18702541
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NeverBeenAWriter/pseuds/NeverBeenAWriter, https://archiveofourown.org/users/ProblematicProcrastinator/pseuds/ProblematicProcrastinator
Summary: “Right under his message, written in his same bright pink messy handwriting was a series of phone digits.”Dan Howell, a recent but huge fan of the openly gay baking Youtuber AmazingPhil, goes to a signing and receives more than just his signature.





	1. Chapter 1

3:42am

Sleep had become such an overrated necessity at this point.

My body had now adapted to my nocturnal schedule and was well aware of the fact that'd I'd be sleeping in till noon for the 6th night in a row.

As I'm curled up in my checkered black and grey covers gazing into a phone screen that's only inches away from my nose I begin to question my life's choices that led me up to this point.

I'm a 22 year old college dropout living in a crappy one bedroom apartment in Manchester. That's to say nothing of the fact that I spend my days sleeping and my nights on the escape from society known as Youtube.

I pause the video (which was currently a compilation of cats getting scared by cucumbers) to rub my eyes. It doesn't dawn on me how tired I am until I actually shut them in what seemed to be the first time in forever. I could actually feel the moisture, that had previously been burned by the brightness of the phone, return to my eyeballs.

My body screamed, "Turn off the phone, Dan, you ignoramus!" But my brain whispered, "One more video, Danny...!"

Now I knew that this could go one of two ways now. I'd either watch one simple satisfying (most likely of a funny animal) video and call it a night before drifting off into a much needed sleep.

OR

I'd click one video, watch it, notice an interesting video in my recommended, click that video, and end up not sleeping until 6am. I mean, that is if I even fall asleep at all!

I began to swipe through my recommended feed, searching for that one perfect video that'd determine if I wanted to be even the smallest percent of a healthy human being today.

Memes, animal videos, iconic vines... All amazing things but not great enough to be crowned "The last video I watch before bed." (...even if that's not much of a title...)

That's when a certain thumbnail caught my eye.

It was a boy... No wait... It was a man in an apron holding a mixing bowl with this huge goofy smile plastered on his face. He had slightly long and messy raven black hair as well. The title was about how to make the perfect shortbread cookies (which, might I add, is something I couldn't of cared less about).

Maybe it was bright pink of the thumbnail background or the obvious discard for gender stereotypes and roles or perhaps just sheer curiosity but something was telling me to click on the video.

So needless to say that's what I did.

The boy appeared on the screen, in what looked to be a rather nice kitchen, with a variety of baking items.

But the first thing I noticed about him was his eyes.

This lad had the most gorgeous eyes I had ever seen. Hell, I could barely fathom how a human's eyes could be so naturally beautiful. They looked to be a quite interesting shade of blue..? Green maybe? Teal? I don't know but they certainly caught my attention.

I was forced to stop oogling over the raven haired male when his title screen appeared in bright colorful letters- AmazingPhil Teaches You To Bake Shortbread Cookies!!

AmazingPhil.. I'd have to remember that name.

As he rambled on about the sweet treats he'd be making, I noticed that his outfit definitely didn't go for the, say, male normality. Under the apron he seemed to be wearing a pink pastel jumper with rather basic black jeans.

Well this Phil guy certainly was something else. Pretty different from the YouTubers I watched that's for sure.

He spoke in such an energetic and carefree tone while cooking so I could tell he was clearly passionate about his baking. Sure, he stumbled over his feet occasionally and spilled ingredients more than I would have preferred but he truly cared about his dish.

Before I knew it- the video was over.

But when that video ended something far larger began.

After this one video about some bloody cookies (as previously mentioned, that I didn't care about) started my borderline addiction to AmazingPhil.

I had stayed up till 7:30am watching his videos before crashing so hard I'm pretty sure it classified as a coma.

I'd watched 3 more of his baking videos, a handful of his storytime videos and 2 crafting videos.

I began to spend a majority of my time obsessing over the raven haired baking boy.

It wasn't like I had anything better to do. I’m 22 year old college dropout who didn't bother to get a job and lived in an apartment I could barely afford, remember?

Spending my time watching this lad kinda made me forget how sh•tty my life was.

I'm definitely not saying that he was a full distraction from reality. Not by a long shot! He was merely a temporary distraction at best. Watching his videos gave me this gross icky happy feeling inside that I hadn't gotten from anyone, online or offline, in a long time.

But alas, I couldn't spend all day and all night watching AmazingPhil in my happy place. Maybe I'd get a call from one of my parents who'd be b•tching about, say, how stupid I was for dropping or how I should consider returning to college. Then once a month I'd have to pay the dreaded bills which I'd be completing with the reluctant help of my family and what was left in my wasted college fund. I'd also be forced to turn off YouTube and do basic adult such as laundry, taking out the bins, bathing, etc etc you get the gist.

So this was basically my life for a solid 3 effing months.

It was disgusting.

Then one day, while I was watching one of Phil's older vlogs, it just hit me.

I'd spent a quarter of a year watching this emo haired, twinkish, pretty eyed baker boy.

Now, I was a freaking nerd who liked playing Guild Wars and listening to (slightly) emo music and playing my crappy old keyboard... so what was so appealing to me about this guy?

After some simple-minded thinking I had come to the conclusion that I thought he was visually pleasing and entertaining.

Then after using more than 2% of a single brain cell, I had determined that I was indefinitely star struck. I was a full on AmazingPhil fanboy beyond the point of no return. Like I was, freaking, Phil Trash 1#. Well, I bet the other 2 million teenage girls and little sexual ambiguous boys watching his videos would debate me on that but still.

Yes, the rumors were true, I’ve got a lean towards males but I wouldn’t go as far as calling myself ‘gay’ (you know, cause placing labels on humans are stupid) but everyone has placed me under the category as “straight.”

No one knows I’m this awkward bi, or pan, or whatever sexual, man obsessed with some gay guy online! Not my mum. Not my dad. None of my friends do. It’s just this gigantic part of me that I can’t explain. I can’t just tell people I’m gay and interested in some guy I’ve never met. Especially since he’s probably taken, someone that charismatic and beautiful couldn’t be single. Thing is, it didn’t matter, I couldn’t stop my mind from thinking about him more than I knew was reasonable. 

I wanted to be someone like him, someone passionate about life and living it to the fullest. Someone who smiled so openly and laughed so freely. Would that ever be me? Probably not, but watching this beautiful, blue eyed, baker boy made me think maybe that could be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you have a prompt, request, or just want to say “hi!” then here’s my writing Tumblr: www.starbursto.tumblr.com


	2. Chapter 2

My parents were what you would refer to as b*tchers. It was all they ever did to me. Every bloody conversation we had usually resulted in one of them whining about something I did wrong or some nonsensical debate that I didn’t want to participate in.

This was never really a normal situation that occurred until I dropped out of university.

The day I told them I was applying for law at university was one of those days I’d never be able to forget. The smile on my mum’s face was so cheesy and large I thought her mouth was trying to break out of her face. My dad had this look that could only be described as “proud”. The “My eldest is actually off to university to do something with his life” look.

So, yes, you could probably imagine the sheer disappointment they had when I dropped out after a measly year. My reasoning seemed rather pathetic in their eyes as well.

Apparently dropping out due to dissatisfaction and stress sounded rather absurd because my mental health wasn’t a priority in the grand scheme of things.

I couldn’t face the humiliation of returning back to Wokingham now. Watching my mum plaster on a fake grin as she welcomed me back with open arms. Seeing my fathers reluctant expression as he helped carry my luggage back to my old room.. the room that my brother had happily claimed as his own the day I left. I could just imagine his dorky grin fade as I return before asking a cluster of questions that no one would want to answer.

I just couldn’t do it.

But due to the fact that university costs your life savings and a half to attend, I was quite broke which inevitably meant I needed a job to afford a place to live.

For a good month and a half I crashed with some friends from university while I looked for a job. Spending my days browsing through job opportunities that I could apply for with my limited credentials. After sending out far too many applications I got offered a couple jobs in different retail stores, saying yes to the first one with decent pay. 

I accepted a job working in a woman’s clothing store and quickly realized how much I hated it. It was clear they only hired me because they thought my looks would bring women into the store, which made it worse since I was self conscious and didn’t want to be flirted with. On top of that I found out women are extremely messy when shopping. On sale days the store would turn into one giant pile of clothes, as the women and girls pulled everything down to find their sizes. It was exhausting and my poor attitude and lack of interest got me fired after only two weeks. 

After that, I was more than happy to try a job in the service industry, anything to take a break from the mess of retail. So that’s how I ended up working at a Starbucks. On this particular day, I was feeling rather tired due to the fact that I had the morning shift. This meant waking up at 4am to get ready, doing my morning routine and making sure I drove to the local Starbucks before 5 so I could open it.

I was not in the mood to interact with anyone at all due to how out of it I was. 

Luckily no one really came in until around 6ish so I basically spent the hour scrolling through Tumblr. I’ll admit it did wake me up a bit so that was helpful, at least. I put my phone away when I saw customers start coming in to order and put on my best fake smile as I listened and tried to remember their ridiculous special requests. 

I worked a full eight-hour shift, and by the end of it I felt lifeless; the dull monotony of taking orders slowing draining me of any energy I had. I was thankful when the clock hit one in the afternoon, quickly heading into the back to grab my things and leave. I had no desire to stay longer then I absolutely had to as I didn’t much care for my co-workers and I didn’t intend to work here long enough to bother putting in extra work for the possibility of moving up. 

I went home and absolutely conked out. To be fair, I wasn’t much of a morning person or a social person so mixed together it wore me out awfully fast. The second I reached my room I flopped down on my bed and flipped through my phone in a half-awake state, waiting to pass out.

After just a few minutes passed, a notification popped up saying that AmazingPhil had uploaded a new video. Instinctively, I quickly clicked it, feeling a bit more energized the second I saw that beautiful smile on Phil’s face. 

I sat myself up knowing, from the 27 minute duration, that this would be one of his longer videos. Everything seemed normal as he did his typical introduction with that dorky grin until he said he’d be announcing something big at the end. (Typical Youtuber’s attempt for watch time.)

The newest video was one of him trying to bake a pie and although I was quite interested in watching him do anything, the special announcement he’d mentioned had me extremely curious through the entire video.

The pie baking had been successful. It was quite the sexy looking pie, too. Damn, I would have loved to taste that gorgeous looking pie. (Or the man who’d made it, I’d accept either.)

My food fantasy came to an abrupt end when the view switched to Phil sitting and talking to the camera. I listened intently as he informed his audience he’d be attending his first Youtuber convention.

I swear I nearly dropped my phone when I heard Phil say the location of the convention.

I couldn’t believe it. It was in my city. My city! A f+cking hop, skip and a jump away basically!

An unexplainable swell of emotions took over every part of my body; my heartbeat sped up, my current mood was all over the place and my face created this gigantic smile that I could hardly control.

I scrolled down and clicked the link in the description so quickly I might’ve cracked my iPhone screen. I knew then and there that I needed to buy myself a ticket.


	3. Chapter 3

After three weeks of painstakingly agonizing anticipation building up to this day; the convention had finally arrived. I could’ve sworn God made the days longer just to mess with me. Perhaps this was punishment for the time I’d accidentally set a bible on fire as a child.

Due to the fact anxiety was a b*tch, a small part of me did feel rather self conscious about going to some nerdy Youtuber convention but I eventually swallowed my pride remembering the main reason I was going.

If I returned with an autograph, photo op and the sheer knowledge that I’d seen AmazingPhil in real life then I would be content for life. 

After lacing up my black and white Converse, I stood up to check myself out in my full length mirror. Normally I wouldn’t give two squats about my appearance but today just felt different. Like, I just had to impress him. You know, despite being one fan out of the thousands seeing him today. 

My outfit of choice was a classic pair of black skinny jeans, a black tee and one of my nicer jackets. It was black and white so in my opinion it pretty much pulled my whole look together. (Plus it added a splash of light to my outfit so I didn’t look like a walking funeral when taking a photo with the literal embodiment of a rainbow.)

Finally, after taking a good half hour to straighten my hair, it was time to set off to the convention.

I took the bus, because working at Starbucks didn’t leave me with enough extra cash to afford cab rides. I stared out the window the whole time, passing buildings pass and imaging what it might be like to actually finally meet this person I’d been thinking about for long. I fiddled nervously with the sleeves of my jacket, hoping I wouldn’t make a complete fool of myself.

The bus ride went by quickly and suddenly I was there, seeing a large crowd of people. After gladly walking past the uncomfortably line of suckers that didn’t pre order their tickets, I obtained my wristband and officially entered the convention center. 

I pulled out the crinkled previously balled up schedule I’d printed the night before from my back pocket. The photo op wasn’t until 3:30 and since it was 11 I had quite a bit of time until then. I decided this was a good idea to explore or possibly do some celebrity hunting.

Until I began to walk around, it didn’t set in how incredibly large and slightly overwhelming the center was. There were already so many booths and areas with various attractions. Not to mention that were so many people walking around the place! So many godd*mn people.

I’d never been to one of these conventions before due to the fact that they weren’t my style. I was, okay who am I kidding, am a lazy introverted b*stard who hates walking and doesn’t leave the house more than twice a month. Conventions literally involve social interaction and walking so of course I never went to one. This was going to be quite the new experience.

The whole atmosphere was different then anything I was used to. It was loud and everyone was excited, clusters of people were everywhere, each cluster all dressed with similar merch items. 

I’d like to say I have rather good self control when it came to spending. Well, this was thrown out the roof when I discovered just how much merchandise was available at this convention. I’d purchased everything ranging from a Smosh wristband to an exclusive AmazingPhil convention hoodie. I was basically sucking my poor debit card dry. 

Just as I was about to walk over to an artist that was selling high quality fan art, I heard an announcement that AmazingPhil’s Q&A panel would begin soon. I’d gotten so sidetracked I completely forgotten about his 12pm panel session!

I gave the vendor a hasty apology saying ‘I’d check him out later’ then awkwardly scurried off to where the panels were. I tried my best to speed walk over to the panel without actually running and embarrassing myself as my long limbs flew aimlessly around. Luckily, it wasn’t hard to miss the giant stage with a plethora of cheap fold out chairs in front of it.

I snagged a chair the closest I could to the front and relaxed as I gripped my bag of merch to my chest. A light grin appeared on my face knowing I didn’t have to worry about saving a seat for a mate or something like that. One of the few benefits to having no friends and being forever single.

The chairs around me quickly filled up as the clock ticked closer to 12:00. My focus on steadying my breathing became my secondary priority when I noticed the panel was about to begin. I sat there in the plastic chair that was clearly not ended for a person of my height, and watched with nervous excitement as someone came out and welcomed us, introducing the man I’d came here to see. 

 

There he was. AmazingPhil was a mere couple hundred feet from me or maybe even less. Looking even more beautiful in person, his smile more radiant and his mannerisms more obvious. He was just a bit awkward but also warm and clearly as excited to be here as the rest of us were. 

I was surprised by how familiar he seemed. He acted the same way he did in his videos and his same infectious energy had the whole room focused solely on him. The whole room laughing along whenever he’d make a joke. His ability to captivate an audience wasn’t surprising and it was impressive.

I leaned back in my chair listening intently to each and every answer he gave to the questions. Even with such vanilla questions like, “What’s your favorite type of sweet?”, he gave such extensive answers to each one. It was obvious he was enjoying answering the questions just as much as us fans enjoyed asking them. I learned quite a lot of things about him. Things that honestly made me love him even more as a person. 

“Phil’s got to head off to his booth soon where you’ll be able to purchase an autograph or selfie before the professional photo op. Can we give him a round of applause?” The announcer said, attempting to wrap it up.

That had to be the quickest hour of my life. I didn’t want this to end! 

“Aw c’mon, Chip, can’t I answer one more question? I was having a blast!” Phil said as he slumped forward and puffed out his bottom lip.

The two jokingly argued for a bit until Phil inevitably got his way. He sat up straighter to see more of the audience and asked, “Who’s got a question? A real good one?”

A variety of hands quickly shot up.. including my own. 

“—You in the black!”

My mind train came to a sudden stop when I noticed that all eyes were on me. Phil stood in his spot pointing straight in my direction. I bet I looked like an absolute deer in headlights due to how caught off guard I was. He was staring straight at me. Everyone was. I knew I had to say something before I ended up in someone’s Q&A Cringe Compilation or whatever.

“I was wondering, uh, how exactly you came out? You’ve mentioned your sexuality several times but never explained anything further than that.” 

It took all of my willpower not to mumble my words or look down at my sneakers out of pure awkwardness. I must’ve done something right before he gave me a gentle smile before leaning back in his seat.

“That’s a good one to end on. Well… I don’t know if it’s obvious since I’m so bubbly on camera but I’m very anxious. About the littlest stuff, too! When I was starting secondary school and going through all that awkward puberty stuff, I was especially anxious. Like, “I’m too embarrassed to call the hairdressers for a cut so I had to have my mum do it,” anxious. For me the anxiety building up to coming out was far worse than actually coming out since my family was quite supportive. I got lucky, I guess. Don’t feel pressured like you have to come out though. Only do it when you’re ready.”

Phil then went on to joke about how he’d be taking in anyone with homophobic parents so we could all live together and bake cakes for the rest of our lives.

As the Q&A came to an end, I sat in my chair practically daydreaming about what an amazing alternate reality that would be. A world where I could forget about college, annoying parents and sexual identities so I could live peacefully with one of the kindest, most gorgeous people in the world. I’d return home after work to sweet smell of the most delicious triple chocolate brownies cooling down on the counter. That wide smile greeting me at the door, with a warm welcome. Maybe even his surprisingly strong looking arms pulling me into a tight embrace.

My train of thought came to end when I realized everyone around me was getting up to go to his autograph/selfie booth. I grabbed my bag as I stood up to follow the crowd of fans to his booth. I bit my lip thinking about the fact that I literally just spoke to my idol and didn’t humiliate myself. Good start indeed, Dan.

The line to get an autograph from AmazingPhil took a bit longer than I’d prepared myself for. Giving me ample amounts of time to overthink what I was going to say and worry about how I’d be perceived. By the it reached my place in line my heart was racing.

Phil Lester was literally right there. He sat before me with that incredibly cozy looking blue corgi sweater that complimented those godd*mn blue eyes. The corners of his mouth cracked into a half smile, “Hello. Nice to meet you again.”

A (probably dorky) grin appeared on my face instantly, “You too. I’m a big fan so this is kinda surreal for me right now.” I chuckled, attempting to play it cool. 

“Yeah? Well I’m honored to meet you as well. Don’t be nervous about it though. I’m really just a normal person.” Phil replies as he selects a bright pink sharpie this time.

Yeah, okay, a normal person that looks like a model and has over 3 and a half million subscribers.

Phil grabbed one of his prints and asked, “Who am I making this out to?”

“Dan, please.” I wasn’t sure what to do exactly while he signed the paper. It was far too quick of a process to check my phone but I didn’t wanna be a weird and just stare at him the whole times. My hands were unsure of what to do so I placed them behind my back and kept quiet.

“All done. Have an amazing day, Daniel.” Phil replied handing the officially signed print.

I wasn’t sure if this was all in my head or not but when I reached out to grab it, I could’ve sworn he held on just a couple seconds longer than he should’ve. Our eyes were connected for those two mere extra seconds and in that moment, we were each other’s priorities. It was quite an phenomenal thing to think about honestly. He gave me a cheeky grin then let go so he could continue on with the signing.

I held it close to my chest as I exited the overly crowded area to head back to the now empty panel area. I took a seat so I could admire my autograph in peace without being bumped into by a bunch of sweaty strangers.

“Amazing to meet you, Dan,” He’d written along the print. I truly couldn’t help but smile at that. He’d also added a heart which gave me a warm fuzzy feeling inside (after pushing out the thought he did that for each autograph). My smile quickly came to an end as my eyes scrolled just an inch lower on print.

Right under his message, written in his same bright pink messy handwriting was a series of phone digits. A loud gasp escaped my mouth and I quickly looked around to double check the room was empty. Was this some kind of mistake? A prank maybe? There was no way this was actually real, right?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you have a prompt, request, or just want to say “hi!” then here’s my writing Tumblr: www.starbursto.tumblr.com


	4. Chapter 4

This had to be a joke. There was no other logical explanation other than that he was trying to pull a practical joke on me. Perhaps it was for a new video?

‘AmazingPhil PRANKS sexually ambiguous nerd at convention! (Not Clickbait)(Epic Reaction)’

That had to be the reason. Why else would he give me his number? Actually a better question was, ‘What am I going to do with this newfound information?’

The idea of calling a celebrity seemed like a rather mad thing to do. Especially when that celebrity was your biggest idol. I spent another hour at the convention, trying to enjoy myself but finding I was too distracted to focus on anything. All I could think about was reaching out to him. I decided to return home, knowing I would need time to think.

Once home, I mulled over the idea of contacting for another couple hours. Typing out messages and deleting them over and over. I wouldn’t want to admit that I spent those hours sitting on my couch just staring at my phone screen, but that’s what I did.

I didn’t know if I was nervous or excited, but the butterflies in my stomach wouldn’t leave me alone. I know if I didn’t contact him I’d regret it for the rest of my life. What’s the worst that could happen? Him not messaging me back? I could live with that. It actually being a prank? At least I’d be in a video. I weighed the pros and cons and realized I had to text him. I took a deep breath and wrote out a simple text, hitting send and feeling my stomach flip.

_hi there_

Now was the hard point. The part where I sat around for an agonizing amount of hours awaiting that response back. Knowing what a busy and probably popular guy he was, I knew it’d take forev-

My inner monologuing was interrupted by the familiar ding of my IPhone notifications. My eyes quickly darted back to my screen to see what it was.

My stomach got a bit queasy when I read the message.

 **P** \- _Who is this?_

Of course! He didn’t have my number. I only had his! Maybe I should just quit while I’m ahead so I don’t become to victim of some cruel prank. It was a mistake to jump to conclusions, to think that the number was actually meant for me. I inhaled a large breath, internally counted to 10, then exhaled.

_ok ik this is going to sound rly weird but I met u at a con today and u gave me ur number srry if this is 2 weird 4 u >~<‘_

I was internally praying to every collective god at the same time that my word vomit didn’t scare him off. I just wanted an explanation. I would say ‘nothing more, nothing less’ but I knew that this was a rare opportunity.

 **P** - _Oh yea! Ur that boy that asked the last question at the panel, right?_

Boy? I’m a man but close enough I guess.

_thats me_

**P** - _You seemed like a very nice guy_

I could’ve sworn my cheeks turned a good two shades redder when I read over that. What the hell is happening?

_thx ^^”” wow so why’d u write down ur number?_

**P** - _What’s your guess? xD_

_idk to pull some cruel prank on an innocent fan_

**P** \- _No! I wanted to get to know you lol_

This could not be real. There was absolutely no way that I was genuinely texting AmazingPhil and he was saying these sickly sweet things to me.

_wut is this real? why me_

**P** \- _You’re bloody attractive, mate_

_do u just text all the fans that catch ur eye_

**P** \- _Not a lot do. Being a gay male a lot of my fans are teenage girls if you couldn’t tell xD_

_xD true_

_…_

_R u sure this isn’t a joke?_

**P** \- _Pretty sure of it. I just want to get to know you!_

I couldn’t turn down Phil. AmazingPhil... the YouTuber I’d spent months swooning over wanted to get to know me. A few hours ago, I would’ve given up an arm and a leg for this to happen but now that I’m being confronted, I do admit I’m a bit nervous. There were so many ways this could go wrong.

_ok well my name is Dan I’m 22 and I’m from Wokingham nice to meet u_

**P** \- _Phil, 26, from Rossendale here_

A part of me was tempted to say, “I know,” but I didn’t wanna come off as some major stalker/fanboy. Even though that’s kind of what I was..well, am.

 **P** \- ^~ _^ It was nice to visit Manchester again. Didn’t really do anything other than the con tho_

_u should do something. might not be nearly as big as london but u could find something to do before u go_

**P** \- _Tempting. Anything in particular u suggest? The hard part is I’m looking for something without huge crowds XP_

_a pub? if ur into that kind of scene_

**P** \- _Not a bad idea! Do you drink?_

I think that was just his way of asking, “Are you sure you’re 22 because you look like undeveloped 16-year-old and I wanna make sure you’re legal.”

_yep_

**P** \- _Care to go out with me? We could actually get to know one another in person and stuff. Only if you want tho ovo_

_yea! sounds like fun. what time?_

**P** \- _Round 8:30 or 9? You can pick the location just send me it :)_

_will do!_

Well that escalated quickly. Too quickly almost. Part of brain was wary, knowing the risks of meeting someone online. But we planned to meet in a public place and I’d be careful. Plus, there was just something about Phil that made me trust him. In about an hour or so I’d have to be dressed, groomed and meeting my idol at a local Manchester pub. My emotions were running wild, everything felt like a such a dream.

I bit down on my bottom lip and began to think about all the places that the night could take us. (I’ll admit some scenarios a bit more… risqué than others.) I wasn’t exactly sure what my ideal outcome for the night would be, but regardless of what happened, getting to know the wonderful man known online as AmazingPhil was a once in a lifetime opportunity and I wanted to make the most of it.

I hopped off the couch and headed to my room to find a nice outfit for the evening, knowing that I would most likely try on everything I owned to try and find something just right. With only an hour I had to rush, I wanted to look my best. My first impression may not have been a bit awkward, but I wanted the second impression he got of me to be something I could look at and not feel embarrassed of. Most likely I’d never see him again and I wanted to make the most of this night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you have a prompt, request, or just want to say “hi!” then here’s my writing Tumblr: www.starbursto.tumblr.com


	5. Chapter 5

The two of us ended up agreeing to meet in this small pub in downtown Manchester by the name of “A Pint or Two”. I’d personally never been but I did some quick research on it beforehand to make sure it was a place I felt comfortable heading.

I checked and rechecked my appearance more times than I’d like to admit, before I finally grabbed my keys and headed out the door to go meet the man I’d been fantasizing about. The ride there felt like hours, my heart was pumping and I hoped a didn’t look as sweaty and disheveled as I felt.

When I saw the sign of the pub I had a flash of uncertainty, part of me wanting to go home and pretend this never happened. Not because I didn’t want to meet the incredible Phil Lester, but because I didn’t want to make a complete fool of myself in front of him.

I took a deep breath and pulled myself together, stepping out of the cab and paying the driver. The cool breeze calmed me a bit but my heart still raced with excitement and nerves.

I put on my best confident expression and opened the door, stepping into the pub. It was noisy but not loud enough to make conversation difficult, the atmosphere seemed relaxed and the gentle warm lighting gave the place a homey feel.

I glanced around the pub looking for Phil, I knew his appearance well enough to spot him in an instant, seeing the fringe of black hair against pale almost white skin. I walked over, getting a better look at him.

He looked absolutely stunning. His outfit consisted of a simple striped shirt that was complimented with a denim jacket and what looked to be black skinny jeans. I couldn’t tell exactly since he was sitting but since it was Phil, most likely.

“Hi! Glad you could make it, Daniel.” He chimed, sitting himself up more properly in the booth.

I cracked a smile and sat down on the opposite side of the both, as to not make things awkward then replied, “How could I say no to an invitation like this?”

Phil replied with a sincere smile that made me feel those stereotypical butterflies in my stomach flutter rapidly. That damned smile. His perfect blue eyes were looking right into mine, which must’ve been misfortune as my eyes were a murky brown which clearly pale in comparison.

“Dan, I know this might seem incredibly… surreal but I just want you to know that I’m just another person. I’m no more or less than you. Right now I’m not AmazingPhil. I’m just Philip Lester.”

I didn’t want to let the inner fanboy in me come out. Especially not now. I had to push that part of me deep down for tonight and just be normal. Pretend the past few months had never happened and tonight I was meeting this raven haired man for the first time in my life. If we’re being honest, despite all the odd stalking and obsessing over him I’d done, this was the first time I’m truly meeting him.

“Got it… Phil.” I said with a forced chuckle. “So, uh, what’re you ordering?”

Phil clicked his tongue and lifted up the menu to scan over it, “I will be getting the, uhhh… raspberry beer.” He lifted his head to regain eye contact with me. “I know, so manly.”

“Oh yeah. Hella manly.” I picked up the menu and glanced down at it. It didn’t take long for me to find something that looked appetizing. “Not nearly as manly as my vodka cranberry however.”

“So manly.”

“Manly as fuck.” I replied, flexing my nonexistent muscles just to get a laugh out of Phil. 

It worked because he started to giggle which was a good sign. 

I decided to continue but was quickly interrupted but a voice that I was sure wasn't Phil's, "You wouldn’t bel-“ 

“Sorry for the interruption. Ready to order?” The unfamiliar voice suddenly asked.

I immediately put my arms down and turned to the blonde, clean cut waiter standing in front of me. He didn’t seem the least bit amused at the fact that he’d caught me mid-flex either.

My face instantly heated up. I was sure it had to be a visible red now but Blondie turned to Phil when he said, “Yeah, we’re ready.”

He placed our orders as I sat that awkwardly like the socially impaired blobfish that I was. Eventually Blondie walked off to retrieve our orders and I immediately looked over at Phil who was giggling like a child at a sleepover.

“What? S’not my fault he walked up at the wrong time.” I defended. I plastered on my best angry face but had to fight a smile that was constantly forcing itself on my face. How could I possibly glare at that beautiful face whilst hearing his adorable laughing? ‘Twas theoretically impossible in my opinion.

“I know, I know.. s’just glad to see that I’m talking to someone just as awkward as I am. Normally I’d be the one accidentally embarrassing myself in front of the waiter.” He responded, leaning back against booth.

“I’m literally an incomprehensible mess of a person so it won’t be the last time I unintentionally do something weird.”

“I like weird. I am weird. It’ll be fine.” Phil reassured. He gave me another one of those perfect smiles before asking, “So what can you tell me about yourself?”

“I dunno. I’m boring.”

“Oh whatever. I know everyone has a story and I wanna hear yours.”

What an effing sweetheart, ugh.

I ended up telling him about my boring hobbies, such as piano and video games, but he seemed to genuinely be interested in every word that came out of my mouth for some reason. I found out we had some things in common such as our love for gaming, our strong feelings towards films and obscure tv shows. We also shared a passion for creating and learning new things.

I’d reached that point where every part of my body felt comfortable and incredibly relaxed. I wouldn’t say I was drunk, just simply at ease. Tipsy at most. I wasn’t afraid of embarrassment in front of a major celebrity anymore, I just felt like I was hanging out with one of my mates at the pub.

“Mario Kart is my shit. We’ve got to play sometime!” I exclaimed, looking up from my glass to face Phil. “Wanna come over after this?”

By the way he tilted his head slightly and furrowed his eyebrows, it was clear he seemed a bit taken aback by that comment.

“Mate, I’ve gotta head back up to my flat tomorrow. As much as I’d love to stay, I can’t.”

“You’re just gonna hit me up and then leave me to be alone again?” I replied with a pout. “I expected better from you, Mr. Celebrity Boy.”

“I’m not a celebrity, Dan.” Phil huffed before taking a quick sip of his drink. He looked back up at me and continued to speak. “We can keep in touch… I want to. It’s why we exchanged numbers, remember?”

“Promise to actually text?”

“Only if you promise me something…”

“Yeah?”

“Don’t tell anyone you’re talking with me. It’ll just... it’ll spread and I’d rather not have the whole web talking about us. Due to my... gender preferences and all. Dunno if that makes sense but... try to do that for me.”

“S’not like I got anyone to tell, mate. You can trust me.” I replied casually before taking another sip of my drink, finishing it off in one final satisfying swallow.

“Okay...” Phil replies softly. His voice is low and gentle yet slightly reluctant. He doesn’t trust me. He probably thinks I’m pissed off my ass.

“Phil, it’ll be fine…” I say, my voice dragging on a bit at the end.

Phil smiled and nodded, taking another sip of his drink. “Alright Daniel.”

"Dan.. "

"Hmm?"

"Daniel is my formal name. Far too proper. I think we're on "Dan" terms. At least in my opinion."

Phil cracked a smile, "Alright then, Dan, if you say so."

We continued talking for a bit longer and the alcohol started taking affect. At this point, I was ready to admit that I might’ve been a bit drunk. In my defense though it’d been a while since I went out, so splurging on multiple drinks seemed like a bit of a cheeky treat to myself. I was in mid-drink of yet another fruity vodka when Phil spoke up.

“I had a really nice night, Dan, I just want you to know that.”

“I did too. One of the best in awhile.” I replied placing down my glass.

“So you ARE going to put that phone number to use, right?”

He truly was just a person. Phil Lester, an awkward funny guy with anxieties and worries of his own. Not just AmazingPhil! The always upbeat, always positive YouTuber! He genuinely was worried that a pleb like me wouldn’t call or text someone like him.

“Phil, of course I will.” I replied. “It’s not like I have a ton of friends or other guys hitting me up,” I added with a chuckle. Not that any of them would compare to him anyway.

“I find that surprising,” Phil responded, his fingers drawing patterns into the condensation on the side of his glass.

“I’m surprised that you’re not already in a relationship,” I replied. “You’re not, are you?” I asked, making sure before I let myself consider this a date of sorts.

Phil laughed and shook his head. “No,” he replied simply. I smiled, that was a good sign that maybe he also considered this a date.

We walked a while longer before deciding we should both head home. I kind of wished we could stay in that booth all night, talking about nothing and laughing like old friends but Phil had to get home and I respected that.

Phil had insisted on paying for the Uber to drop me off and frankly I was too out of it to argue. The ride was silent but not in a bad, uncomfortable way. It was relaxing. The gentle driving of the car mixed with the calming medley of gentle R&B playing on the radio was almost alluring, making it hard not to drift off. I wanted nothing more than to head home and sleep. I was too sleepy to even care that my head was even bobbing against Phil’s shoulder the whole ride or have the anxiety to worry about if the driver thought we were raging homosexuals.

Luckily the ride was short and we were at my apartment in less than 10 minutes.

Phil walked me all the way into the elevator and down the hall to my front door. He truly didn’t have to do that but I wasn’t going to fight it. Why was he so damn nice?

“Thank you...” I mumbled, searching for the keys that were somewhere in my far too deep pockets.

“‘Course, mate, it was the least I could do for you giving me such a memorable night.”

I stopped looking for my keys and turn to Phil, “You invited me out. I didn’t do crap.”

“Just hanging out with you was fun… I really enjoyed getting to know you, ya know? It was just fun.” Phil replied placing his arms behind his back. His cheeks were a light shade of pink and his lips hinted at a smile.

“The Uber’s waiting… Guess I ought to go.”

“Guess you oughta...”

“Gonna miss you.”

“Yeah…” I said biting down onto my bottom lip. Those beautiful blue eyes that looked back at me were absolutely mesmerizing.

Phil chuckled and brought his face close to mine, giving me a quick peck on the forehead. I shut my eyes and smiled, cracking out giggles like I was a child. It was soft, wholesome and if my body wasn’t so relaxed from the alcohol, I probably would’ve been red as a tomato.

“C’mon, mate, this could be the last time we see each other for a while. Make the most out of it...” I say, gripping at his shirt.

I tugged him close and brought our lips together for a solid 5 seconds. A beautiful, miraculous, absolutely marvelous 5 seconds that sent tingles throughout my body. The butterflies in my stomach were going haywire at the moment.

He’s the first to pull away and looks utterly stunned at my boldness. Understandably so as the guy he met hours ago is already trying to lip lock with him.

I crack a half smile and say, “You signed up for this. Don’t get miffed at me for that.”

The look of bewilderment he previously gave me is replaced by a quick chuckle, “You’re really hammered, aren’t you? Get some rest and we’ll talk tomorrow. Bye.”

“Nice meeting you, Phil. It was satisfying to know you’re just as good looking off-screen as you are on-screen.”

Phil snorted and made a cheesy heart with his hands over his chest. I returned with a similar response and wished him well. I heard him let out a soft giggle as he made his way toward the elevator.

After what seemed like a millennium of fumbling with my keys, I entered my apartment and shut the door, immediately stripping to nothing but my black Calvin’s. I walked my intoxicated ass to the living room and passed out on the couch, absolutely worn out from all the events that occurred today.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you have a prompt, request, or just want to say “hi!” then here’s my writing Tumblr: www.starbursto.tumblr.com


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apologies for the wait! I was struck the dreaded writers block for a while but luckily, with the amazing help of @NeverBeenAWriter, chapter six is out. Enjoy :)

I awoke with a groan, still groggy from the night before. I was just a tad hung-over and still in complete shock that last night even happened. I felt around for for my phone so I could do my morning social media check but my phone was nowhere in sight.

I noticed that my clothes from last night were scattered on the ground, along with my phone rested in the back pocket of my jeans. I tossed on my shirt from the previous night just so I could have some modesty then picked up my phone. A smile formed on my face when I noticed Phil had, being the kind soul that he is, sent me a good morning text.

'Hope you slept well!!'

'Sloshed as hell mate'

I grunted as I pushed myself off of the couch, leaving my phone on the coffee table. Staggering slightly, I made my way to the kitchen to make myself a cup of tea. I could’ve sworn I’d read something about stimulates helping with hangovers. Couldn't hurt to try.

Luckily I’d managed to fill up the kettle up with warm water and place it on the hob without spilling it all over myself. I leaned against the counter and watched the kettle as the water boiled, I felt myself almost doze off for a second and snapped my eyes open. The kettle started screaming after a moment and I made myself a cup of tea, hoping it would take the edge off my hang-over.

The sound of my phone vibrating from the living room made me practically drop my mug on the floor, I was thankful for my quick reaction time that stopped the steaming liquid from spilling all over me. With all the etiquette of a newborn giraffe on skates I ran into the lounge, flopped onto the couch (with a bit more aggression than planned) and immediately checked my phone.

Disappointing enough, it wasn’t Phil but my mum ringing me up.

"What?" I sighed, not bothering to hide the letdown in my voice.

"Good morning to you too, dear." The sarcasm in her voice was as clear as day.

I kept silent and awaited another response. She certainly wasn’t going to get a well thought out, comprehensive conversation from me this morning so she’d better expect to do all the talking.

"Anyways… I called to check in. How is everything?"

I went on a date with one of my favorite internet celebrities last night. I got slightly drunk so they took me home. We kissed in front of my apartment door. Oh! Also, the celebrity was also a guy.

"Fine."

"Great to hear I suppose."

"Yeah."

The conversation felt so forced and avoidable when a quick text message would have sufficed the both of us. I love my mum, don’t get me wrong, but calling to chat was just such an unnecessary thing to do considering I doubted she genuinely cared about what I had to say.

"Things are good here too. Adrian and I miss you down here. So quiet." She let out a soft chuckle at the end of her sentence.

Was silence really a bad thing? I mean, at least in comparison to the sound of my brother and I arguing with one another or my dad’s booming voice when he’d get cross with us.

“Adrian misses me?” I asked, clearly not believing what she had to say.

“Of course he does.” She replied as if it should’ve been the most obvious statement in the world. “I can call him in if you wanna chat with him.”

“No thanks, mum.. I’ll take your word for it.” If Adrian missed me so badly that he wanted to ring me then he could’ve done it himself. “... So, uh, no offense but why did you call?”

I admit, that might’ve been a bit rude but I frankly just wanted the conversation to end. I wanted my phone available incase Phil tried to contact me, and the slight headache was making me snippy.

I could hear her click her tongue in what was mostly likely annoyance, “Needed to make sure you were still alive, Dan. You don’t exactly keep in touch.”

“I got a job as a prostitute so that pays the bills.”

“If I could add my input then I’d have to say that’s not a very good long term job. At least becoming a stripper would assure me that you don’t get any dreadful STDs.”

I couldn’t help but crack a smile at that. It was clear that my sense of humor came from my mum but I really didn’t want her to make me laugh right now.

“But seriously I’m all good, mum. I’ve got a job that keeps the bills paid.”

“Long term?”

“What?”

“Long term job, Daniel.” She replied with slight exasperation in her voice. “Is this something that you’ll continue for your profession?”

“Mum, it’s too early for this..” I whined. “My head hurts, my tea is probably gonna get co-“

“Dan.”

I immediately shut up when I heard how strict her voice had gotten.

“I’ll let you go but just remember to call every now and then. Keep in touch.”

“I’ll attempt to send a weekly text.”

“Bye Dan.”

“Ciao.”

At long last I was able to end the conversation and check to see if I had any response from Phil.

“I can’t say I’m surprised,” Phil texted. “You seemed a little past tipsy last night.”

“Maybe that’s just how I normally act,” I responded.

Phil sent a pondering emoji and I chuckled.

“Fine, you got me, I was quite drunk.”

“I’m sorry you’re feeling unwell now,”

“Not your fault, I should know my limits.” I texted. “Anyway, how are you?” I liked to switch the topic off of myself as quickly as I could, I hoped Phil wouldn’t notice it.

“Bored,” Phil texted back. “I’m on the way back home and it’s a long cab ride.”

Before I could respond Phil texted again. “The cab driver keeps asking me questions about what I do and I don’t know how to explain that I make videos on the internet without it sounding like… you know.”

I laughed at the thought of someone thinking Phil could do porn. “Seriously, mate? I just told my mom I was doing prostitution (I’m not, obviously) and you can’t tell a cabby you do youtube?”

“Nope,” Phil replied. “But, if he thinks I’m working than I can avoid talking with him.”

“So…. You’re saying that you’re texting me to avoid an awkward conversation?”

“Exactly.”

“Geez, you know how to make a man feel special.” I couldn’t help the smile on his face as I joked with Phil. It felt as if I’d known him way longer than I actually had. I thought maybe it was because I watched all of his videos but it seemed like something else.

“You are special,” Phil replied. “What are you up to?” He texted again, not giving me time to respond. I was thankful for that as I didn’t know how to respond to that. No ever called special in a good way. I blushed.

“Nothing really,” I answered honestly. For a split second I thought about pretending I was doing something interesting, but that wasn’t who I was. “Just texting you.”

“What a coincidence,” Phil responded. “I’m also texting you.” I rolled my eyes, he was so silly and odd but in the best ways possible. “Tell me more about yourself then.” Phil added.

“I told you last night, there’s not much to tell,” I replied. I hated talking about myself but it seemed even worse when It was with someone I looked up to and respected.

“Come on, there’s gotta be something. What do you do for work? Or are you still a student?”

I bit my lip nervously, not really wanting to answer that question. I didn’t think Phil would judge me but maybe I judged myself just a bit. “I dropped out of law school a few months back and I’m currently working at a café.” I waited nervously as I saw the dots of Phil’s typing.

“Law, huh? That’s impressive.”

“Remember how I said I dropped out :p,” I replied.

“But you got in, that counts for something :D” Phil sent back. I smiled, he seemed like he genuinely didn’t judge my choices. He might be the only person in my life that didn’t.

“Well, alright then, Mr. silver-lining.”

“Seriously Dan, it’s okay to try things and find out they’re not for you. I’ve tried a lot of things and ended up doing the one thing I didn’t think was possible.”

“Not everyone gets lucky,” I texted back. I instantly regretted that. “I’m not saying it’s luck,” I sent quickly. ‘I know you worked hard and everything but I just meant’ I was in the middle of typing an apology when he sent another text so I wiped my draft.

“I know what you meant,” he replied. “It is luck in a lot of ways but it’s also hard work and dedication.”

“Yeah, I’m impressed with what you’ve achieved.”

“Thank you,” Phil replied. “I’m sure you will achieve whatever you set your mind to as well.” I wasn’t nearly as confident in that as he seemed to be. Often times I wondered if I’d ever do anything worthwhile with my life. I tried not to let it send me into a spiral of thoughts leading to an existential crisis.

“I need to send out a couple work emails. Can I call you later on?” Phil’s text brought me back from my thoughts.

“Not if I call you first :P”

“Please do ;)”

I had entirely forgotten my tea but somehow my headache was gone. I was still a bit tired but I felt good. I smiled and put the phone down. Maybe I had more luck than I thought.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you have a prompt, request, or just want to say “hi!” then here’s my writing Tumblr: www.starbursto.tumblr.com

**Author's Note:**

> If you have a prompt, request, or just want to say “hi!” then here’s my writing Tumblr: www.starbursto.tumblr.com


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